TIGER\\MOMMA

2012-01-21T16:41:00.001+07:00

2012-01-20T22:13:00.000+07:00

Losing someone special in your life is already hard enough; losing someone that has seen you grow in all the different ways possible, someone you look up to and someone you wish to see proud of yourself is almost unbearable. I know it must be hard to lose a father in any way, but I hope you’re able to know that you are not alone, you are never alone.

Things might get hard, but know that you’ll always have us. Us, your fans, your friends, your family. Us, who only wish to see you surface in happiness and success through all of your life. When you can’t get up, you do know that we all are here to lift you up and that’s what we’re about to do right now.

We love you, Junsu. A man with such a big heart like yours might find himself broken at the moment but, please, stay strong. Even though some of us can’t be able to be there physically; all our words, thoughts and prayers are landing there, by your side.

I WISH!

2012-01-18T17:05:00.001+07:00

I fucking hate uni! lets drop out, buy a car and take off and travel the world!! I’ll get all my money out of my accounts and we can go to different countries. and we can just be free forever, find some wild horses and live with them for a while also. and we can go find native people who will share their ideas and food with us and live not here with stupid fake people. and have spiritual journeys and quests, become one with the earth. and travel to alaska and see the northern lights. and then saill all the way down to the coast of Chilie and see those little stone guys. and eat plants and fish in the waters. and hike along the andes mountains and go to the amazon rain-forest and fight with the panthers. then travel to europe and go into little german towns. Get fucked up on german beers and eat a shit ton of pretzels and the fuck around in Europe for a bit, zoom down to Australia and hunt a croc. and see kangaroos, go on a safari and a walkabout. then travel up to China and see the Great Wall. Spend a little time in russia too. and make an igloo and chill with some Narwals, go up to the north pole say ‘sup’ to Santa. Then go to egypt and explore the pyramids and trap doors.

Dear You

2011-07-28T02:29:00.000+07:00

I miss you. I miss how you cared for me, how you always make my day, how you used to cheer me up, and how you make me feel that you love me.

I miss everything that used to be.

WHAT HAPPENED?

Love, Me

things that hurt,

2011-07-24T23:24:00.000+07:00

there is no person in the world who is made to handle every punch that’s thrown at them. we aren’t made that way. in fact, we’re made to get mad, upset, sad, be hurt, stumble and fall. we aren’t supposed to be able to handle everything. but that’s what makes us stronger in the end, its the outcome of learning from the things that hurt us most.

childhood memories

2011-07-23T19:29:00.000+07:00

By: Gingerlilytea

HAVE YOU EVER

2011-06-27T00:21:00.000+07:00

Have you ever wondered about the things we tell ourselves before we fall asleep? We whisper the words in the dark, telling ourselves that we're happy, or that he's happy, that people will change their minds. We persuade ourselves that we can live without the people who have left. Each night before we fall asleep we lie to ourselves in a desperate hope that come morning, it will all be true.

25 things that girls dont realize

2011-06-24T17:37:00.000+07:00

1. Guys may be flirting around all day, but before they go to sleep,
they always think about the girl they truly care about….
2. Guys are more emotional then you think, if they loved you at one
point, it’ll take them a lot longer then you think to let you go, and it
hurts every second that they try.
3. Guys go crazy over a girl’s smile.
4. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.
5. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they’re still loved.
6. Guys don’t care how gorgeous you are.
7. Giving a guy a hanging message like “You know
what?..uh…nevermind..” would make him jump to a conclusion that is far
from what you are thinking. And he’ll assume he did something wrong and
he’ll obsess about it trying to figure it out.
8. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to
listen to him. You don’t need to give advice.
9. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
10. Guys love you more than you love them

11. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. They rarely use
beautiful or gorgeous. If a guy uses that, he loves you or likes you a
whole heck of a lot.
12. No matter how much guys talk about whats on the
outside,personalityis key.
13. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she
doesn’t notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to
figure out what it meant but some know that it was just prolly nothing
so if it is supposed to mean something then make that meaning noticable
so that they can react on the spot.
14. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think
about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time
with the girl.
15.If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he’s probably faking it
and he is really thinking about something
16. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys
rarely say that.
17.When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he’s just actually saying,
“Please come and listen to me
18. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn’t happen
that often, so when it does, you know something’s up.
19. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he’s definitely
thinking something.
20. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable
decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.

22. No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He’s just too
stubborn to admit it.
23.NOT ALL GUYS ARE JACKASSES
Just because ONE is a jackass doesnt mean he represents ALL of them
24.When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he
really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible
25.Even if you dump a guy months ago and he loved you he probably still
does and if he had one wish it would be you to come back into his life

P.s I didnt write this so pardon the horrible typing.
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?v=info&ref=nf&gid=75162183645

US

2011-06-15T01:47:00.000+07:00

You know what I love most about “us”?

I love how comfortable we are with each other. I love how we endlessly crack on each other but never take the teasing to heart. I love how you laugh like a little boy when I am tickling you. I absolutely adore how when I walk away from you when we are fighting, you try to stay mad, but then run after me. I love you and everything about you, the look in your eyes when we kiss or how you stay up watching me sleep. I love how I can call you anytime I need to and somehow you never cease to make me laugh. I love how you need me as much as I need you. I love how you love me.

I miss you.
So much.

To my future husband

2011-06-12T16:05:00.000+07:00

It is important for me to write to you now, even before we know each other, because there is still time for both of us to think about our future and to make wise decisions. There are so many things I want to tell you. Girls are like that, you know. I want to share my dreams with you. I want to trust you to listen and to care about what I say. You are very important to me. When I think about getting married, I think about much more than just the wedding dress, bridesmaids, flowers, invitations and parties. To me, getting married means sharing the rest of my life with you. Growing old together - ‘til death do us part - with a lot of living in between. It means growing and changing and living through the good times as well as the bad. It means loving each other when it is difficult.

I look forward to a happy life with you and our children, but I’m not so unrealistic that I think we won’t have any problems or difficulties. Those will be the growing times when our love and commitment will be tested, and we will emerge stronger, wiser and more deeply in love. I know that we need each other to be holy and to become the man and woman God created us to be. God has already chosen us for each other. That is so awesome to me! I can hardly wait to meet you, but I know I have to be patient because it will only happen when it is God’s time for us to come together. Until then, I can think about you and pray for you and hope that you are thinking about me and praying for me, too. I hope so much that you are waiting for me just as I am waiting for you. I want both of us to do what is right. I want to respect you, and I want you to respect me. I want us to be able to recognize the goodness in each other. I want you to touch my heart with your goodness.

A friend told me once that it is necessary to know what is important to me and to have some “major” requirements when it comes to selecting my spouse. That way it will be easier for me to recognize you when we meet. The “majors” are basically those few character traits that are absolutely essential to me; traits that I just could not compromise on for any reason. I know the most important “major” is that my husband will have to know God, to love Him and to be willing to keep Him first in our lives. I have seen so much joy and happiness in families where God is the center, and now that I am older, I realize how important God is. I want our family to be happy too, and I know we cannot do it without God. The next “major” would be unselfishness. I’m not perfect in this area either, but I want both of us to be unselfish. We cannot go through life thinking only of ourselves. We have to be willing to make sacrifices for each other and for our children. We have to be willing to love. That’s not always easy, but unless we are committed to a lifetime of loving unselfishly, our marriage will never succeed.

We have to be honest too. No marriage can survive without honesty and trust. I know we will spend many hours just talking and learning about each other by sharing our thoughts and our feelings, our hopes, our dreams and our fears. I want us to be very comfortable with each other. I want so much to love you. And, I want you to love me. I want to be cherished, to be the most important person in your life, to be your most intimate friend. I want to be your wife. I want you tenderness and affection, your kindness and your strength. I want to be there for you when you feel happy and on top of the world, and I want to be there when your spirit is crushed. I want to feel protected and secure in your love and to trust you at all times. I want you to feel safe with me and never to be ashamed to talk about your fears and weaknesses. I want to encourage you to stand up for your beliefs and always to do what is right. I want to stand beside you as we go through life together. Remember, I said the wedding dress is not all that important? Well, the most important thing about the wedding dress is what it represents. The beauty of the white fabric symbolizes the purity of the bride. I want my dress to be that symbol to you. I want to cherish my virginity so that my gift of myself to you will be pure and holy. I want so much for you to do the same for me.

The world has cheapened and trivialized our beautiful gift of sexuality. It has ignored its awesome power to unite a man and a woman in marriage and to be the source of their greatest blessings, their children. I don’t want us ever to lose that sense of awe and reverence for this wonderful gift God designed for married couples. The power of our sexuality is so sacred. It is important to me that you believe that, too. It’s a “major”. We don’t have to make all the mistakes many of our older friends have made. We can have God’s best if we do it His way. So, why in the world am I telling you all of this? Because it’s on my mind. I do think about you a lot. I hope and pray that we will be strong enough to combat the lies the world has told us. The things we do and say today can affect the rest of our lives. We do have to think and to care about the way we live today. You are so important to me. Our future is important to me. Our marriage and our children are important to me. That’s why all of this matters.

I want to be your wife, and I want you to be my husband. Neither of us will ever be the perfect spouse, but we can strive to please God and to do His will. By doing that now and after we are married, I know we will have the grace we need to help each other and our children get to Heaven. And, after all, that’s really all that matters in the end.

So, future husband, I hope this letter makes a difference to you. I really do exist. Please wait for me. I am waiting for you.

Your future wife.

Chloe

2011-05-23T23:32:00.000+07:00

valentine

seventeen

Les enfants sennuient le dimanche

2011-05-18T00:21:00.002+07:00

Oliver Peoples’ 2010 Campaign film ‘Les enfants sennuient le dimanche (The children are bored on Sundays), directed by Autumn De Wilde, featuring Elijah Wood and Shirley Manson. Soundtrack ‘Just You and Me’ by Zee Avi.

I love everything about this, especially Shirley Manson. Ever since I first saw her she has been one of my top girl crushes.

And Elijah Wood.........so gorgeous!! ♥

2011-05-08T16:03:00.001+07:00

Afternoon. Sunday. 4:04PM

I‘m alone waiting for my boyfriend to pick me up, in Bakerzin Coffee. Enjoying a glass of Ice Blended Vanilla Cappuccino, and 4 pieces macaroons. Perfect. <3

YOUNG AND SAD

2011-05-05T20:04:00.000+07:00

Some people turn sad awfully young.
No special reason, it seems,
but they seem almost to be born that way.
They bruise easier, tire faster, cry quicker, remember longer and,
as I say, get sadder younger than anyone else in the world.

I know, for I’m one of them.

Canadá

2011-05-01T03:30:00.000+07:00

Kami in K Major.'s

2011-04-19T11:49:00.001+07:00

I woke up this morning cold. I hate waking up cold.

Then I rolled out of bed and attempted to take a deep breath, but instead my chest exploded into a five-minute coughing frenzy. I haven’t been sick for almost two years; not a cold or the flu. But judging by the wheeze in my lungs, that time has come to an end.

Now back to bed.

Whole Trouble

2011-04-11T01:00:00.000+07:00

“That’s the whole trouble. You can’t ever find a place that’s nice and peaceful, because there isn’t any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you’re not looking, somebody’ll sneak up and write “Fuck you” right under your nose.”

LOOKING FOR ALASKA

2011-04-06T22:27:00.000+07:00

When adults say, “Teenagers think they are invincible” with that sly, stupid smile on their faces, they don’t know how right they are. We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born, and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations. They forget that when they get old. They get scared of losing and failing. But that part of us greater than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, and so it cannot fail.

FOR EVERY BOY AND GIRL

2011-03-29T17:40:00.000+07:00

For every girl who is tired of acting weak when she is strong, there is a boy tired of appearing strong when he feel vulnerable.

For every boy who is burdened with the constant expectation of knowing everything, there is a girl tired of people not trusting her intelligence.

For every girl who is tired of being called over-sensitive, there is a boy who fears to be gentle, to weep.

For every boy for whom competition is the only way to prove his masculinity, there is a girl who is called unfeminine when she competes.

For every girl who throws out her e-z-bake oven, there is a boy there who wishes to find one.

For every boy struggling not to let advertising dictate his desires, there is a girl facing the ad industry's attacks on her self-esteem.

For every girl who takes a step toward her liberation, there is a boy who finds the way to freedom a little easier.

AMORE

2011-03-21T20:18:00.000+07:00

i only feel beautiful when it's 3 am
and i am thinking of your smile.

wearing a t-shirt;
the cool breeze from the open window
kisses my bear legs.

i look up
at the diamond sky
and i sigh as i wonder
if you are gazing upon the same sparkles
dreaming of me too.

Morning After

2011-03-20T00:29:00.000+07:00

Men's Editorial for CONTRA Magazine

Styling: Shea Hurley
Models: Zakariah M. & Stefanie G.

All photos taken by and copyright Carl W. Heindl 2010

HURT

2011-03-18T21:08:00.000+07:00

Everyone says that love hurts,
but that's not true.
Loneliness hurts.
Rejection hurts.
Everyone confuse these things with love,
but in reality,

LOVE is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain and makes us feel wonderful again.

Rochas Builds A Time Machine To The Swingin' '60s & Sultry '70s

2011-03-17T22:34:00.000+07:00

Groovy threads with a sense of humor and feminine flair were on the runway at the Rochas show in Paris today. Grab your hairspray and your 45s, ladies!

fallen star;

2011-03-16T18:09:00.001+07:00

Please, please, please don’t wish sickness upon yourself.

Okay, so it maybe is true that things might suck now, that you have parents who take their anger out on you, that you’re going through 'relationship' problems, and that the world feels like it’s crashing down on you. But you’re worth so much more, that you’re a strong girl, that you can overcome this. There is so much more to live for, so much more to experience. Don’t you want to be able to travel the world, see famous landmarks, eat genuine Italian pizza, publish a book. You haven’t lived yet and that being a twenty-something, well, it comes with a lot of burdens … more than you should actually have at this age and what you deserve. But it’s a learning experience, as hard and unfair as it is.

Remember that you still have your friends. And I’m probably in no place to say anything (but I couldn’t just sit back and watch you like this either) and that this isn’t as eloquent as I wish it was, but I hope you know that there are people that care about you.

A strong person isn’t the one who doesn’t cry. A strong person is the one who sheds tears for a moment, picks up her sword and fights again.

So go, go cry your heart out and all your sufferings. That’s the only way you’ll make room for laughter and smiles. As they say, your smile is the best revenge. Don’t give anyone the satisfaction that they’ve broken you.

Love you, Momonski. <3

Bitches, can you shut your fuckin mouth?

2011-03-15T08:50:00.002+07:00

Good morning people/

I re-tired with them. With the oh-so-fuckin sisters. They are excessive. If only I could kill them, or at least, just make them to be QUIET.

Oh please, before you talk about other people, look at yourselves. Your face. Your behavior. You don't need to pretend to be nice to show your true self, slut!

BABY & CAT

2011-03-13T23:28:00.001+07:00

2011-03-10T02:51:00.000+07:00

and all i really remember of that night is repeating i could die happy i could die happy i could die happy

MUSIC & LYRIC

2011-03-05T03:24:00.000+07:00

You know, I’ve got this theory: There are two kinds of people in the world. There are lyric people and music people. You know, the lyrics people tend to be analytical. You know, all about the meaning of the song. They’re the ones you see with the CD insert out like five minutes after buying it, pouring over the lyrics, interpreting the hell out of everything. Then there’s the music people who could care less for the lyrics as long as it’s just got, like, a good beat and you could dance to it. I don’t know, sometimes it might be easier to be a music girl and not a lyric girl. But since I’m not, let me just say this: Sometimes things find you when you need them to find you. I believe that. And for me, it’s usually song lyrics.

Couldn't hide the emptiness, you let it show.

2011-03-03T21:32:00.001+07:00

NEW IN

2011-02-27T22:07:00.000+07:00

secret

2011-02-25T11:35:00.003+07:00

3 years.
1095 days.
26280 hours.
1576800 minutes.
94608000 seconds.
no way i am not going to
give up that easily
this time.

S.......UICIDE

2011-02-22T12:39:00.001+07:00

Are you thinking about suicide? Thinking about how, if you killed yourself, nobody would care? Think again. If you kill yourself you will change somebodies world. That's right. They will see everything differently. Just hearing your name will burn their mind with memories. They wont be able to go near where you lived, even your town will hold memories. Listening to the radio they'll hear that song, remember,that song you sang with them once? They'll step past your locker every day and wonder why you are not there. Why are you not there?? Do you want to be responsible for your family members, the people who love you, crying every night? For your sisters or brothers losing part of who they are? Your suicide is going to effect most deeply those who care about you most. That's not right. One of your friends may break down, and just like you, their world will be dark. The pain you are in is awful, but why pass it on to hundreds of people around you, when you could try your hardest to work through it? Your family will be paranoid. Suddenly everyone will be talking about them. Do you want to be known as 'the kid who killed themselves?' People you never knew will be crying when they hear what you've done. Yes, they will be effected. Everyone around you will stop and think ;; "was there something i could have done?" Suddenly the people of your world are dying with guilt. All those little hints you gave, they'll remember them. Oh yes, and it will torture them all the time. Your friends will think of suicide. Your closest friends are likely to go into a depression like the one that claimed your life. How will they cope, without you? This will break them, for the rest of their lives. And lets not forget the people who will plan your funeral. Your closest friends and family picking out songs for you, photos of you. Crying all the night before, and all the day of your funeral. And all the night after. In fact, they will cry now more than you ever did. Could they have saved you? They'll be angry. Oh yes. Why didn't you tell them? They loved you. And now it's too late. They'll be angry with you because they know, they know you could have gotten through it. Then they'll be angry with themselves because they may have been able to save you if only they knew. And one day, one day years from now, they'll remember you. They will all still remember you. The girl that sat up the front of your class; she'll remember you. The bus driver you saw every morning; he'll remember you. That little girl you sat with on the bus once, The kid you leant money to at the shop, all your siblings friends, the people that you dont see, but that see you everyday they will all remember you. And every single one of them will wonder; why? But imagine your family. You are part of them. Without you, something is missing. If you killed yourself then part of them dies too. They are incomplete. Every family gathering will be missing something. The photos on the wall are suddenly all cold reminders of what you did. Who goes through your bedroom? Who cleans out your locker? Who calls the school to tell them one of their students has died? .. Who tells the students? Who calls the funeral directors? Who arranges a coffin for you? Who calls your best friend to tell them you're dead?? Who finds you? Please, there are other ways out. I know sometimes the struggle is very, very hard. But it's not worth giving up on life. Life is all we have, life is everything. Its the beautiful moments, and the sad ones. Please, don't give up on all those around you. You can make it through. My teacher said this about her father, who commited suicide: "I understand that the pain is overwhelming, but I will never forgive him for the pain he has caused others. It was just selfish. If you kill yourself you spread the suffering among thousands of people, it doesn't only affect those around you but everyone who has ever come in contact with you." Please, keep fighting. You can get through this and see that there is life after what you're facing now. It may be hard, but you'll get there, and when you do you will appreciate it so much more. I understand that most people know that suicide effects others, but please keep this in mind if you're ever feeling so low. Give people the chance to help you.

FIVE PEARLS OF WISDOM TO REMEMBER:

2011-02-15T00:12:00.000+07:00

1. Money can’t buy happiness but

somehow, it’s more comfortable to cry in a BMW than on a bicycle…

2. Forgive your enemy, but

remember the bastard’s name.

3. Help a man when he is trouble & he will remember you

when he is in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because

it’s illegal to shoot them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problem, but then,

neither does milk.

exactly, THE RIGHT GUY

2011-01-28T02:14:00.000+07:00

You know, the right guy won't get you to change. He won't subtly pressure you. He won't tell you who you can and can't talk to. he won't hide the fact that you're hanging out. He's not gonna tell you you're wrong for feeling; for being a girl. The right guy will show you off to his friends. He'll take it as slow as you want. He'll only go as far as you're comfortable with. He'll take you out to places, even if it's just a fast food place or the store. He'll actually sit through your stupid girly disney movies with you because he just wants to be with you. The right guy will come along someday, you just gotta tough it out and wait for him. But whatever you do, don't settle for the wrong guy. You deserve so much more.

exactly ♥

Semoga.

2011-01-25T02:50:00.001+07:00

Sumpah deh, lagi super duper kesel banget sama beberapa oknum. Heran. Gue gak ngerasa punya salah sama mereka tapi kenapa mereka semua jutek-jutek banget ya sama gue. Astagfirullah. Ampun deh. Serba salah banget musti gimana. AAAAAARGH gila. Semoga mereka semua dibalas sama Yang Maha Kuasa. Amin.

im angry at myself.

2011-01-21T23:33:00.000+07:00

im angry at myself because sometimes, i feel like im not being me. i feel like im trying to please people and thats not who i am. im angry at myself because i dont speak up sometimes. im angry at myself because i say its okay and sometimes its not. sure i can be a very happy person, but its not always like that is it?

solar plexus

2011-01-06T02:05:00.000+07:00

Andrea Stanislav = genius.

Extra credit for living in Minneapolis. You must check her out, really interesting.

Photo via Olivia Wolfe

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T18:07:00.003+07:00

Happy new year!
Last night was the turn of the year from 2010 to 2011. I celebrate it together with Ivan and his friends at the house of one friend. Last night went smoothly and quite enjoyable. Although ultimately not very encouraging. Because once again Ivan did the things I don't like, but overall, my New Year's Eve went well. We spent it with a barbeque party, and chatted together. I came there too with Nyit-nyit and Tika, who their boyfriends are also in celebration last night. Fun!
I will post the photos later, because all of the photos are on Ivan.

See ya!

Does someone have to like football?

2010-12-24T00:17:00.002+07:00

The answer, of course not.
I just fight with Ivan. Again. And this time was so painful for me, because the real problem is so trivial.

On December 29th, is the AFF Suzuki Cup finals. Fyi, this is the name of the ASEAN football championship and Indonesia became one of the participants. Unlike previous years, this year Indonesia has an amazing achievement. Until the final, they haven't been defeated. Plus, there are players, foreign players that so interesting (from the appearance and face) :P
Of course, their game became so interesting to watch. I really wanted at least once, I watch their games directly from the stadium. So, I invited Ivan to watch next week. Although I knew he doesn't really like football. Everything became so annoying when Ivan had so many reasons to not go to the stadium. I tried to not force him. But it all ended with his mood became worse, and he was angry at me. He didn't reply my text again, and said that I forced him to watch the game.
I also became very emotional. Because I feel that I didn't force him, and I tried to involve him at event which means fun to me. He also wrote his status on Facebook, which in essence "what's wrong if I don't like football? Do I have to like it?" And 4 hours later, he again changed his status to "I'm Tired. From the Beatles Album".

I hate it. I hate this situation. He is so mean. And he doesn't want to understand me.
And I really hate to think if that status, "I'm Tired." also for me.

HAPPINESS :

2010-12-23T02:03:00.000+07:00

finding your musical soulmates
when he smiles at you
spining around the rain
unexpected texts
finding something you thought you'd lost
feeling pretty
winning an argument
getting letters in the mail
noticing something you never had
slipping on your new pair of shoes
cheering someone up
knowing that everything will be okay

What I Want

2010-12-20T21:34:00.000+07:00

tonight, there are two things i want.

the first thing i want is a park bench.
wooden, weathered, solid, comfortable.
and with a view. doesn't have to be of the
ocean. could be a simple garden.
or a squirrel in a tree.
would you sit next to me, on my park bench?
would you take my hand and help me
watch the squirrel?

the last thing i want tonight: you
you and me. you, me, and an entire day
for us to spend together,
any way we choose.

NEW YORK

2010-12-11T01:16:00.000+07:00

CUTE STORY

2010-12-06T03:36:00.000+07:00

A boy and girl used to be best friends but suddenly the began to not get along, they tease and harass each other all the time at school. One day the teacher had enough so she sent them to the school psychologist, he looked at the boy.

“I think the problem here is trust so let me ask you this, if the school were on fire and you got out but she was still inside would you go back for her?” the psycologist asked.

“No” the boy said simply. The girl got a look on her face as if she was going to cry. The boy looked to her sadly, without taking his eyes off of her he continued “I wouldn’t go back because I would have never left without her.”

2010-12-04T12:36:00.000+07:00

Some nights I feel like a million little pieces. And then it's the flickering of a candle flame, the slight cold wind whispering beneath the crack of the window, the shadows painting brush strokes in the mirror.

Nude trimmed nails trace a familiar tattoo. I could never understand you, hating music to hold hands to. Sometimes I want just that. Tainted words: sweet. sentimental. romantic.

Remember!

2010-11-30T16:50:00.000+07:00

If he misses you, he'll call just to hear your voice.
If he wants you, he'll say it.
And if he cares, he'll show it.
If he has a thought about you, it will come out of his mouth.
If you are on his mind non-stop, he will do anything he can just to see you.
If he truly likes you, he won't let anything get in the way and fight back just to keep you in his arms.

If not, he can't be worth your time because you're obviously not worth it.

2010-11-28T01:55:00.000+07:00

i look for you everywhere i go.
hoping to bump into you.
but i never see you.
you're not there.

you're never there.

HOW TO WORK BETTER

2010-11-23T23:44:00.000+07:00

1. do one thing at a time
2. know the problem
3. learn to listen
4. learn to ask questions
5. distinguish sense from nonsense
6. accept change as inevitable
7. admit mistakes
8. say it simple
9. be calm
10. smile

WE'RE ONE.

2010-11-21T23:26:00.004+07:00

Ini udah hari kedua.
Hari kedua apa? :)

Hari kedua Ivan resmi jadi pacar gue lagi. Well, yeah, we are back dating again. Setelah banyak pemikiran, setelah lebih dari setahun putus. Setelah galau berhari-hari. Ya, dia kembali.

Pertanyaan gue sekarang. Salahkah kalau gue belum percaya dia lagi? No, I believe that he loves me. And of course, I still love him too. Tapi yang gue ragukan, apa dia benar-benar yakin sama keputusannya? Keputusannya untuk "ada status" lagi sama gue? Keputusannya untuk terikat lagi sama gue. Keputusannya untuk menjadi lebih baik, dan gak bikin gue selalu ngerasa gagal?

Gue cuma takut keputusan kita untuk sama-sama lagi malah membuat keadaan lebih buruk. Karena satu hal yang sangat penting buat gue (and already I told him, recently.) Gue cuma pengen dia ngelakuin apa yang dia suka, bukan yang gue mau. Sesakit apapun itu, menurut gue, it will be more hurt, when I know, it turns out he's doing all the things that I think fun, not because he wanted to do it. Cuma karena dia ngerasa 'yah, gue harus nurutin cewek ini...' bukan itu yang gue mau. And I'm sure, if that happens, our relationship won't be last. Because Ivan wasn't the type of a guy who can withstand his indignation too long. Cepat atau lambat dia pasti ninggalin gue. Dan tentu aja, gue gak mau itu. Kecuali memang itu keputusan yang terbaik ;)

Sekarang, gue nulis ini cuma karena gue pengen nulis aja. Bukan karena ada yang pengen gue sampein atau apa. Cuma mungkin gue gak bisa ngomongin ini ke dia. Bukan karena gue pengen rahasiain, tapi karna gue sayang. Dan gue gak pengen ngotor-ngotorin hubungan ini.
I just hope, may God give the best decision for both of us. With a happy ending. If indeed I will paired with him, may God hold us both, and no more problems that interfere. But, if that's not him. Hopefully there is someone better for both of us. And there are wonderful lessons that we can take from all this. Amen.

Sampai jumpa lagi di tulisan selanjutnya kawan-kawan. Aku mau bobo dulu ya, karna besok harus balik ke Bandung. Dan seharusnya gue udah tidur sekarang. Good night!

LIFE'S GOOD

2010-11-10T12:41:00.002+07:00

Beautiful morning.

I sleep enough last night. Really happy. A few days ago, quite annoying for me. I am busy with midterms, and for my thesis work. But now everything is finished! Yeay! Hopefully the results are also satisfactory. :) :)

And last night, while I was sleeping Ivan said my three favorite words. Huh huh. Can't stop smiling ;)

Now I'll get ready to return to Jakarta. Life's good, brother.

2010-11-09T21:16:00.000+07:00

Dear whoever is reading this,
guess what?
You are loved.
No.
Don't shake your head and disagree.
You are.
You are lovely and you are loved.
End of story.

UNTRUST

2010-11-07T00:59:00.002+07:00

I wrote this to end my day.
1:08 AM

It's changed. I don't believe him anymore. Me and him just fine, but I think I lost my trust in him. I feel there is something he hid from me. Something that he hide so I wouldn't hurt if I know it.

I think he doesn't love me anymore. Not anymore. Not the love that he felt again. Maybe love, but not love. Argh. I don't know how to explain it.

I can't demand an explanation, because I don't want to. I'm afraid. Afraid if I know the truth, I'd be more hurt. I also can't convey what I feel on it. I would never disclose. It would only make things worse. Really.

A best friend of mine told me a few days ago, that I'm too aggressive. And well, I also realize it. I wanna change. I don't want to be an aggressive girl again. Even when he's not my boyfriend anymore.

So, all I can do now just...... feel it.
Goodnight.

DANGGGG!!!

2010-11-02T20:32:00.002+07:00

Baru aja gue bilang tadi pagi kalo gue sama Ivan baik-baik aja. Dan 3 hari ini kita selalu sama-sama. Dan sampai detik ini gue udah gak tau dia ada dimana. Dia mendadak tidak bisa lagi gue hubungin. Okay, gue gak mau lebay. Tapi beneran, gue gak tau dia dimana.

Tenang.
Tenang.
Tenang, Dindi.

Positif thinking please.

Mungkin dia lagi sibuk, atau lagi ngobrol, jadi belom sempet bales sms gue, atau angkat telfon gue. Ya ya gue tau dia mau gue tenang, dan dia sayang sama gue jadi gak mungkin dia tiba-tiba ilang. Gue tau gue gak punya salah apa-apa. Oh mungkin dia ketiduran. Gak. Gak ada apa-apa pasti. Ya ya ya. Dan secepatnya setelah dia liat handphonenya, dia akan hubungin gue. Gue tau itu. Semua akan baik-baik aja. Ini cuma karena kasus ini terlalu sering terjadi jadi gue kayak gini. Yah. Udah. Gue harus melakukan sesuatu sekarang. Lupain lupain lupain.

:'(

ME LOVE YA.

2010-11-02T11:36:00.003+07:00

Hoahm.
Good morning, Universe.

I woke up rather early this morning. And I didn't sleep too soundly. Since Sunday, Ivan came to surprise me. I want to moved into the upper room. This room's indeed better than my previous room. But the problem is, no one can help me move and lift the goods. Pampas and Ara have to business their band, and my family so busy with many events and can't help me. But suddenly Ivan came to help me. I'm so so sooooo happy. I much bother him. Because yesterday he also helped me shopping at Carrefour, and I might make him tired. But really, I've tried to repay him, so he did it all with pleasure.

And this morning, he had to return to Jakarta. Always sad it seems every time we have to split up like this. I know we'll meet again, but its hard to let go after a few days together yesterday. My room instantly felt lonely. And because last night I sleep late, (because of Novi's birthday last night.) So I find it hard to wake up this morning, and couldn't bring him back to Jakarta :'(

But I know this feeling won't be long. I will soon improve, and we'll meet again. Now, Kiki are on the way here, so my room won't be lonely anymore, Kiki will accompany me. See you again love, me love ya ♥

And happy birthday once again to Novi.

JUST SAYING.

2010-10-27T18:08:00.006+07:00

Hello world.
Long time no talk.

I'm still alive. And I've been meaning to write more, but there is always a constraint, so only now I get a chance.
My life is good enough (this time). Of course in terms of romance, and others. Me and Ivan fine. Not too good, but not a lot of problems. Me and him not going out anymore, but we're together. And I don't know how long this relationship continues. We plan to meet in this week or next week. And hopefully all will work properly.

There's something odd with my past few days. Two days ago I suddenly had a strange dream. Yes, I dreamed about my ex. But not Ivan. Weird? Yes, of course. Since I really love Ivan, and suddenly there was another guy coming into my dreams. I can't mention his name here, but yes I admit, he's my first love. (If you really know me, you'd know who's this guy). In the past, I really love him. I really want to do anything for him. At that time. The dream was very strange, I don't really remember. But there's in my brain. But I can't explain it. Because it's really abstract. And since I was dreaming, for some reason, I feel ..... I miss him. I miss that time. When we were in high school. As he belongs to me. When he was with me. At that time I was very happy. When he left, when all was still beautiful though time has long passed. When all was so amazing, when I save all the memories here. In my heart and my mind. I don't have concrete memories with him. Over time, all were gone, although I had my best to keep it very well. But they still lost.
But all that we lived 5 years ago, were still stored in my heart. I closed well, I locked my heart, then I save it forever. It was all so memorable. ♥

Although our relationship was not so good anymore. (FYI, I was removed from his Facebook and MSN.) I still pray that he can get the best. I don't know why he was forcing himself to hate me, but we've got the life each other that very different to 5 years ago. The memory was so beautiful, so I can't forget until this very second. While I'm with another guy, he ever existed and will always be there.
And in my heart is always the old him. Not the new one. He, that always happy to me. :)

Ps. My age is 21 now, G. I've grown. I'm sure you too are getting mature. May your life be much better. May you also think of me so that's the reason why you came in to my dream that night. Now I'm chasing my dreams, my happiness too. I have someone special now. It's been 3 years. And I think he love me as much as you did. Hope you're well. Love, Dinda.

there you are

2010-10-01T12:49:00.001+07:00

and when i met you my heart sighed. the sigh radiated from the hole in my chest, from that place that had never seen light, from that place that had taken all of my joy and given me only loneliness. "there you are," it said, "you don't know how long i have been waiting for you."

B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T

2010-09-02T03:22:00.000+07:00

it's all bullshit, all of it. all of you, all of them. everyone and everything. nothing comes for
free, you have to pay for love these days. one mistake, and you're dead, never seen again.
people make mistakes, but sometimes it is too late to change them. you are who you are
and there is no going back. you can't relive the past, it is time for now. friends, family,
school, work, life. things have fucked up, it isn't the same anymore. it's all bullshit.

sorry, for depressing you again

2010-08-29T22:08:00.000+07:00

shit. this is worse than i thought.
i’m finding this really hard to handle. i can’t look anyone in the eye anymore and when i do i want to burst into tears. i don’t think we’ll ever get past this. i certainly wont. i really don’t need this before the most important exams of my life.

okay.
this. is. fuckin. shit.

this is it !

2010-08-26T00:10:00.000+07:00

life is too short for :

grudges
fake anything
putting profits before people
crabby people
over-roated coffee
waiting for change to happen
wifi you have to pay for

stay awake for :

maxing out your passport
ghost stories around the campfire
adopting a four-legged friend
playing an instrument
break dancing
luscious
oh-so-delicious-chocolate

IT'S LIKE THIS

2010-08-23T19:25:00.001+07:00

you have to have the nicest jeans, or the cutest purse, or say the newest thing
so that it catches on. you have to be skinny, you have to buy this, wear this,
say that, be on his side, her side, be neutral, have white teeth, have straight
teeth, your hair can't be frizzy, and you can't wear that because it just doesn't
'work' anymore. you have to got to parties, be friends with everyone, trust no
one, pose like this, smile like that, tilt your head this way, and put your hand
on your hip, because that's how it is. and let me just say, fuck all of that/.

...

2010-08-21T03:10:00.000+07:00

I promised myself I would never cry over you but its beginning to get to me.
Here I am sobbing and I just wish you were here to hold me.
I need you so much closer.
Please ignore this I’m so sorry.

REALLY.REALLY.REALLY

2010-08-18T16:23:00.001+07:00

i tell you that i love you everyday.
but i really don't think you understand how much i
REALLY.REALLY.REALLY.
love you.
i don't even know how to describe or explain
what i'm feeling here.
it's pretty insane.
i wish i knew how to tell you,
but i fear that you'll not feel the same way
and i'll be left here
not knowing what to do about it.

as usual.

A HEART

2010-08-10T23:26:00.000+07:00

A heart is a fragile thing.
That’s why we protect them so vigorously,
give them away so rarely and why it means so much when we do.
Some hearts are more fragile than others.
Purer somehow.
Like crystal in a world of glass,
even the way they shatter is beautiful.

Someone said that - God is a lie.

2010-08-09T16:48:00.003+07:00

Um, okay.
Dear Anon,

If God is a lie, then:

We are all living in lies.
Our lives are meaningless.
Love is a lie.
The whole creation is a lie.
Science is a lie.
YOU are a lie.

Lastly, your statement,
"God is a LIE" is the greatest lie of all."

Another thing. Remember this:
God without man is still God.
Man without God is NOTHING.

God loves you... Even you think HE is a lie.

The Reader

2010-06-30T14:15:00.000+07:00

"Sometimes the memory of happiness cannot stay true because it ended unhappily, because happiness is only real if it lasts forever? Because things always end painfully if they contained pain, conscious or unconscious, all along? But what is, unconscious, unrecognized pain?"

The Reader, Bernhard Schlink

im a 90s kid

2010-06-24T18:54:00.000+07:00

i miss being able to watch good tv shows.
i miss hey arnold, rocket power, & recess.
i miss full house and the fresh prince of bel air.
i miss the mighty ducks and lion king
i miss catdog and the wild thornberrys
i miss waking up early to watch cartoons.

but most of all, i miss the simplicity.
90s > present

-nothing personal

THE QUESTION

2010-06-10T09:45:00.002+07:00

Tuhan, pagi ku kacau lagi hari ini. Ya, Engkau tahu sudah dari semalam.
Tapi pertanyaan ku hanya satu Tuhan,

"Mengapa dia selalu bahagia tanpa aku, Tuhan?"

Itu saja. Lindungi aku Tuhan. Terimakasih banyak.

8 REASONS I AM SINGLE :

2010-06-09T21:36:00.002+07:00

Because every good looking guy is a jerk,
Every nice guy isn't good looking,
Every nice and good looking guy is taken,
Every nice, good looking, single guy is broke,
Every nice, good looking, single, rich guy is a cheater,
Every nice, good looking, single, rich, non cheater is gay,
Every nice, good looking, single, rich, non cheater, and straight guy doesn't have any interest in us,
Every nice, good looking, single, rich, non cheater, straight guy, that does have an interest in us, has kids, and is divorced.

should i?

2010-06-08T20:45:00.003+07:00

Okay. Hello back people.

(Finally), tomorrow is my last day of final exams. Huf, thanks God. Although, it seems I can't have fun yet, because this Sunday I still have to work as host on campus events with Fara. Tuesday and Thursday, I also still have to submit my final project. Well, tired. That means this week I had six weeks of not returning to Jakarta. I mean, the real home actually, lol.
I don't know why, I really feel very bad luck on my final exam this time. Looks like my grades will also be back a mess. Really, think about it alone makes me stress. But I also don't want to discuss it with my friends, since I know that they have a much better scores than me. Huaa, very sad. I really want to fix everything, but somehow it seems very difficult. Looks like I'm too lazy. Ah, I shouldn't be like this.

Tomorrow's my last exam begins at 10 AM. And until now I haven't download the material exam yet. I feel soooooo lazy to do that. In fact, I haven't showered yet too. And my room is also very messy. And the worst is ........ I am really miss him. AH. I know I should not be like this. But I really miss him. I sent a text to meet him this week, but he hasn't reply yet. Honestly, I was so scared he don't want to meet me. Nyanyanya.............kangen kangen kangen! :(
Looks like he's still very busy with his job, so no time to meet me. I just want to meet him at least two days. But it seems extremely difficult.
As I write this, I am listening to a single from Kahitna. Judulnya, hampir jadi. (Ada di album baru Kahitna; Lebih dari sekedar cantik).

This is a piece of the lyrics that keep ringing in my mind.....

Haruskah aku akhiri, aku tak tahu.
Apakah nyata, ataukah prasangka.
Tak mungkin ku hindari, sanggupkah aku.
Terus melangkah, atau ku pergi saja........

Sampai hati, status ku tak jelas.
Kini impian ku hancur di depan mata
masih saja ku tunggu jawab mu.
Ku bertahan...... :'(

Just feel, lost (again)

2010-06-06T23:30:00.002+07:00

I lost him again. Yeah, again.
He went away again. Whether he is indeed willing to go or I let him go. But, surely, again, I lost him. I feel empty and hollow. Again again and again. I started can't stop crying. And feel lost. Although already destroyed all of our photos, my heart also destroyed together with the photographs. My God, why again? Apa selama ini belum cukup? Rasanya gue udah bener-bener gak sanggup lagi.
He come and go. I increasingly don't know how to face him. I increasingly don't understand what does he truly feels? Terlalu sulit dipahami. Terlalu berbeda. Terlalu.......tidak jodoh. Mungkin.

I am also increasingly aware that he can go anytime. And he's so easy to love the other girls. I know, I feel very scared of losing him. But, I really can't do anything, anymore. I'm too weak. And he may be too strong and really want to hurt me. It's like, I can't believe if I think he didn't really love me. Hhhh, astagfirullahaladzim........ :(
Almost every night, I dreamed about him. True, gue gak lebay. I don't know why. And somehow, every time he is attracted to another girl, I always knew, without being told by anyone! For some reason, I often know it for granted. Gak tahu kenapa. Bahkan pernah sekali, gue bangun tidur, tiba-tiba tercetus satu nama cewek, dan ternyata bener aja, dia emang naksir cewek itu.
What does it mean? I don't know. Is it the so-called soulmate? Or is it a sign from God for me to realize that he's not good for me? I DO NOT KNOW. But I feel suffocated because I have to feel all these feelings every night.

While I feel the devastation like this, I have to deal with a number of tasks and final exam tomorrow. There are so many tasks that must be completed. And I feel very lazy.
Now, when he was gone again. I slumped. And only hope I'll get the best. Immediately. I don't know how long I'll have to beg like this. So, goodnight. And wish me luck.

Another Disasters

2010-06-02T13:25:00.004+07:00

Hhhh, I just got home.
Yeah, you know, since Monday, I went to Jakarta to stay in Inyot's place.

This morning I went back to Bandung. And always felt exhausted. Until now I still feel tired and swelter.
Two nights running fairly smoothly yesterday. Although there is a slight problem (as usual), there is some dispute, but looks like we could handle it. Well, I don't know exactly, I feel like everything has been resolved. But his thoughts are sometimes different from me.

And when I got home, then I looked in the mirror, I saw in my neck there are few traces kiss. And it looks very creepy. Bluish-red mixed with brown. I didn't realize, until I was teased by my friends on campus. It felt so ashamed. Especially since they all know, I'm single, and don't have a boyfriend. So, who kissed me? Dracula? Hiyah.
Arrived at my room, I sent him a text. Why did he not tell me about the marks on my neck. He (as usual) just laughed, and apologized to me. I urged him again, and asked again, why did n't he say anything to me. And again, he didn't reply my text. Okay, good. I'm a stupid girl.

Well, it's up to him. Maybe now I just need some sleep. Sleep for a long time. Yeah.

Oh. Hell no.

This poor girl.

2010-05-28T11:20:00.004+07:00

Good morning people.

A few weeks I've been waiting for this day. Well, today is Friday. And beginning a long holiday, I was even up to a week off. Today my family will come to bandung, because tomorrow my brother will take a test for university entrance, and they're all going to visit me. And as usual, I'm always excited when they visit here. That's why I was waiting for this day.

But it all doesn't go as I hoped. Last night, everything was mess up my feelings. Just like that. Despondent.

Last night, my friend made a problem with me. Something very painful. She is jealous to me. It's very hard to believe. Because I've been really close with both of them. Often, I accompanied her when she was crying because there is a problem with her boyfriend. And I'm also often told her about my love problems. Whom I love, who I miss, everything she knows. But I don't think, she didn't believe in me. She was angry at her boyfriend because he was with me. I feel sick, and was devastated. I felt at that moment, I need someone to talk to. Therefore, I told my ex. (Well, we are still close). But it turned out, my decision to tell him about my problem isn't the right thing. Precisely this would be the beginning of a new problem.

When I called him last night, that's just the beginning of a new problem. He didn't support me at all. In fact he even trapped me, he says all this was my fault. I rightly treated like this, and he even discusses other issues to discredit me! :(
It felt very sick. I believe in him, so I told him my problem. It turns out that I only got responses like that. I also don't think he has to defend me, but he's really evil and unjust, he doesn't even improve my mood, he just makes me more down.

I hung up the phone with my feelings are getting worse. I regret never-ending. I shouldn't need to call him. He shouldn't have to know my problem. He should killed from the beginning, (I even think like that!). I feel the world is not fair, and he's so mean. My tears didn't stop flowing, until 4 o'clock in the morning. Now I'm more confused, what should I do. I didn't get any solution, which I got even a new problem.
Honestly, I'm confused what to do anymore. I've tried to be nice to him. But he is still being mean to me. What should I do now? I felt like being at the lowest point in my life. Again, I feel the world, and He is not fair to me. I'm getting lazy to pray. Because I feel my prayers are also not granted. He's not fair to me. And I'm also going to be casual.

Now, even my life would be taken anywhere else, I don't know. I don't even know what should I do now. What should I do so I have no regrets? ARH, don't know. Probably not. I should probably not live in this world. Since there is also no one need me in this world. Fuck.

Dear Best-friend

2010-05-25T00:12:00.000+07:00

dear best friend, i love you more daily. i wish you could see yourself the way i see you and i wish you could love yourself the way i love you. and above all, i wish your life is everything you deserve because, in my opinion, you deserve the world. i will stand by you forever. my heart will always belong to you.

♥ dindi

SECRET~

2010-05-23T01:52:00.000+07:00

i just realized that

we're all going to diet
we don't know when
we don't know how
we don't know where
we could die at any moment

yet we live our lives as if none of that is true.

PITBULL CONCERT

2010-05-22T13:47:00.008+07:00

Yeah, like I've said before, Pitbull comes to Indonesia! And I came to watch him. Aw, that's right that people say, he's very handsome, and also sexy. Although actually I'm a bit annoyed with the way he dressed. Hahahaha. But really, a very interesting performance. I'm very happy at that time.

Of course not just me. I'm sure, my friends who watched with me when it was also very happy and satisfied. They are Fara, Mute, and Andre.

Fara, Me, and Mutia.
We're still on the road in this photo. Andre didn't participate in the photo because he was busy driving. Our trip from Bandung to Jakarta very stressful, lol. Because we were pressed for time, and the road is very bad everywhere. And we were very frightened too late :(

Me and Fara again.
Although we are a great hurry at the time, me and Fara tried to stay calm and keep laughing. Maybe it was because we were only able to have fun together. Yeah, you know, of course Mutia and Andre busy kissing and hugging all the way HAHAHA.

(Once again). A funny Fara <3

Here he is!
I want you want me, you know I want cha. x

Awww! <3

Ugh, so happy that night. When finished, we were very exhausted from dancing and jumping up and down throughout the concert. Thanks also to Bang Chris and Java Musikindo. Very awesome. Ca't wait until the next event ;)

Ps. I wear a blouse that I bought in a new boutique in Trunojoyo. Named Teapot. If you visit to Bandung, you should drop by the boutique. They have beautiful and wonderful things. And, Oya, that ring is also bought at the Teapot. :D

RANDOM

2010-05-19T08:28:00.000+07:00

I just woke up. Hoahm.
How are you everyone?

I'm very happy, because when I wake up I got an sms that my professors didn't teach today. Huah, delighted. That means I only have class later at 10:20.
And when I go to Twitter, a lot of my friends said that an hour ago there was another earthquake. Yes, I said 'another', because last night I also felt the quake. Although not overly big, but I can feel it. I hope no more aftershocks. And everything will always be fine. Amen.

And, two days ago, I was very happy. What's up? Hmm, HAHAHA, I'll tell you all later. x

hello, little girl

2010-05-14T11:37:00.002+07:00

Hey.
I'm in Jakarta now. Take it easy at home.
I thought everything will be fine.
Apparently, not at all.

When I woke up, my brother tells me that our maid can't come again. My mother said she was sick. I don't know what illness she suffered. But to be honest, I was very upset. Because it means I have to clean and tidy home. And that really sucks. Huuuf.

In addition, there is the most irritated me.
Did I ever tell you about the little girl who haunts me for almost three years? Yes. I don't lie. She's really haunting and bring misery to my life. A girl who comes from hell. And going back to hell someday. You'll see. I always try to be nice to her. But I always get hurt very much. She was a very evil. Hhh, even talking about her now just makes me so hurt. I shouldn't know her. But there are situations that require me to get to know her and have contact with her. She's always been my business to interfere. Then she will talk about me to her friends. Like, when she knew me and my friends were drunk and smoking in one night, she starts talking about me on twitter. Don't think I don't know that I am who you're talking about, bitch! You really are a little whore.

And now (I don't know since when) she had been blocked me on Twitter. And already deleted from Facebook, and Tumblr. And the most painful, I don't know what her reasons. I think she's just envious to me, so she's constantly angry and feel the world is not fair to her.

Hahaha. I just want to tell you, slut bitch, FUCK OFF. You're completely worthless in my life. And your life will not be happy forever. All the things that I feel for this, would you feel someday. And by then I'll laugh forever. You go to school that famous and being pretentious slang, will never make you a great girl.
Trust me. Your face is really ugly, Baby. So don't think one day you can be beautiful. You will still be bad. And it will be forever. HAHAHA.
Bye the ugly and tacky bitch. Thanks, you've gone from my life, because, really, all this time, you really disturbed my life.
So, good-fuckin-bye!

THE SURPRISE PARTY

2010-05-12T10:53:00.004+07:00

Hello.

I'll put some photos at a my surprise party a week ago.
Sorry for being late. But lately the electricity in my house a bit problematic, so I rarely write and update blog.
I miss you all.

Look at my face mixed emotion excited when I discovered this a surprise. I get a blackforest from my friends (Budasel).

Lovely Fara. While on a diet, it turns out she can't refuse the blackforest. Lol.

Kikih and Coro who came suddenly, and I had never expected. They were both my classmates on campus.

Do I look pretty surprised? Haha thank you all.

It's very fun to have friends who are so cared and kind.
This doesn't include Momon, my other close friends, who also immediately called me that night. (I wish it could also be photographed).
And unfortunately, when the next day my family gave a surprise to me, I didn't get to record it, or just make the photos. Not because it was unhappy, but because I was so excited, so I can't do anything but smile, laugh and be happy. <3

Ps. Tonight, me and some friends of mine, will come to watch the Pitbull concert at the Tennis Indoor Senayan. Wow, this would be very nice. I can't hardly wait! :D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

2010-05-07T23:23:00.003+07:00

Hello.

I am (finally) 21-year-old. Hm. Happy birthday to me. I got a lot of congratulations from my friends who are kind. And I'm really grateful for it. Many things happened that day. At first I thought I would not be happy on that day. Although it is my special day. But many things have changed in my life right now, so I think my birthday wouldn't be the same again.

But, it's completely wrong.

In fact, I'm happy. Really. While there are some things that I hope doesn't happen. But there are things I didn't imagine happening. And I got a lot of surprises as well. Yeah, you know, I always like to got a surprise at the special time, from people who are special, too. How nice.

Exactly 12 o'clock, my friends from Budasel. (Although only three of them). Fara, Novi, and Riska, came and sang in front of the balcony of my room with a black forest, and oor two favorite large candles. I'm surprised, though I know they will come. But what makes me surprised, because they were singing loudly outside my room, haha. Not long later, Pampas, Kikih, and Coro also came to my room. My room was crowded, and it felt good. Thanks, guys :)

The most startling, that afternoon, my family suddenly came to Bandung, and gave me a warm surprises, too. OH MY GOD! Really, very surprising. Because this is not as usual. They came on Tuesday, and it's working day. Yeah, as you know, my parents, especially my mother, was a workaholic. Thus, it is very difficult to her to leave the busyness of her office. But they came. Really came just for my birthday.

They brought me Tiramisu, and the most fun, the iPod Touch as my birthday gift. Awww, so sweet. We had dinner together too. Thanks God. Thanks Mom, Thanks Dad, Thanks brother, because you've come to me that day. It's very precious to me. Even writing this I feel like crying. It was very touching. All my life, this is the first time they did this to me. I feel very very special. I didn't stop smiling that day. Because there are still many people who loved me.

Honestly, I hope 'he' will come on the day of my birthday. However, in reality not. He just sent me a text, that he hoped I was happy, and he couldn't give anything for me. Am I disappointed? Um, it looks like yes. But what can I do? When I want him there beside me, he never existed. I waited maybe he will come a few days later, because I knew he was conducting a test on that day, so that he can't come to my place. But, again, how necessity I was waiting, he never. And will never come. I am sad because I hoped, but he can't or may not want to. (Indeed, as I write this my eyes filled with tears). I'm really disappointed in him. Somehow, I feel our relationship is also getting worse. He doesn't need me more, more and forget about me. This really hurts. I really wish the best to come to me. If indeed this is the best, why am I not happy? I'm really not happy. Although sometimes a lot of things that finally made me forget him. But it was only a moment. The rest, I often think about this.
However, fine. I tried to be patient, because I know I can not impose my will. He may have changed. He's not like a guy who I knew first. But he had already chosen his path, and I have to keep living my life. I should be aware that there are still many people who love me, my family, my friends. They are the best. They are always and will remain there even though 'he' is always mean to me. They will always try to make me happy, even though he just wanted to make me cry. That's what I should be aware of. If indeed I was paired with him, he'll be back. We'll be back again at the right time. But if he's not my mate, I will definitely get someone better. And the best. Amen.

So, let's be happy. I should be happy, somehow. My age is now increasing, and yeah, I'm not young anymore. So, again I have to be more mature in attitude. Well, maybe in everything as well. I hope at my age now, I can become a better human. I hope in the future, I can always make the people who I loved, and loved me always happy. Whatever way I do.

Once again, thank God, thank you all. I hope this is not my last age. I hope I'm always happy, and live longer. Thank you for offering me the color of life, God. I love you, I love my family, I love my friends, I love you, boy, I love you future husband, and for sure, I love myself. I'm happy being me.

Good night world, good night all. I love you all. x
Happy birthday.

TONIGHT, THEN TOMORROW

2010-05-03T16:45:00.002+07:00

I'm feeling very bad today. Well, actually not just today. But three days already. I know this sounds weird and does not seem fair. All my friends also would be upset if they knew I was still thinking about this.
Tomorrow is my birthday. Okay, I mean, tonight. Normally I always feel happy when the 4th of May is coming. But this year, I don't think so. I don't even feel like waiting for it. Of course I have a variety of reasons, why this year unlike previous years.

The first, this year I'll be 21. Don't you think it is quite old age? I do. I even felt it was very old. Indeed, I will not think like that if I was ready to face my future. But I am not ready yet. AT ALL. And that makes me stuck and stress. Instead I got no spirit to face life. I don't know when my life will get better.

The second, and most spend the contents of my heart is MY EX. Okay, I don't want to reveal his name (as usual). But, surely, to be honest, I really really miss him. This is my first birthday since we broke up in September last year. And it's very sad, every time I think, that this year is not ours anymore. That our relationship was never the same again. And tonight, he will not going to do something special (again) for me. Is this a nightmare? I think its very sad. But I must face it. Didn't he think of me? Didn't he think that he wanted to be here with me? Didn't he wants to make me happy? Or just make me smile on my special day? Don't think so. He seems to have something more important than just thinking about me. And it feels painful. It feels, I don't want to think about it, but it was very difficult. I really wish he will there for me. At least, just for this night.

I really want to cry. But don't know why, I can't.
Finally I just keep quiet and thoughtful in my room now. Alone. Loneliness. And all that makes tightness in my chest. Seems I haven't anyone who loves me in this world. I hope there is still the ultimate happiness for me. I hope so.
I really hope so.

shithole/never

2010-05-01T12:58:00.000+07:00

c'mon.....
you're smart, ambitious, athletic, cute,
funny, and you like the best music.
someone out there wants that.
someone out there will appreciate that.
and someone out there will never put you in a shithole.

TIME

2010-04-29T20:21:00.000+07:00

i spend my  weekdays
counting down to the weekend

i spend my daytimes
counting  down to the nighttime

i spend my minutes
counting down to  a  new hour

i spend all my time
counting time, wasting time

and  i don't want to anymore.

57 kilos!

2010-04-28T00:16:00.003+07:00

Yep, the post title this time you can certainly guess. Weight. My weight rose again two kilos. I was really stressed. I felt I was getting fat and more fat. What the hell else should I do? It feels really want to diet, but apparently not strong. I continued to starve. I always want to chew, though I don't feel hungry. Crazy huh? Yes yes, I'm crazy.

Before my weight up, I've felt so fat. Now? Huh. Really make a crazy and stressful. Tonight, I had successfully swallowed two meat dumplings. Even now, I write with a felt rumbling. Looks like after this I'll get ready for bed while eating crisps. (Then, when I'll be skinny?)

Frankly, there's something that I feared. But I can't say it here. In connection with the increase in my weight. Hhh, and anyway I don't want to discuss it. Maybe because I was too scared.

Ok, change the topic. Yesterday, my internet connection is continuously error. Tonight just started running smoothly again. Yet I continue to feel bored. Don't know what to do. I want to go out and hold each day. But don't know with whom. Looks like I haven't got anyone. No friends, boyfriends, and family. Hahaha, maybe I exaggerated. But seriously, I feel like it. Looks like once when I still had a boyfriend, I never felt loneliness like this. But now I'm single, and must feel lonely like this anymore.

Huh, very bored. Better, I prepared to sleep with a handful of taro chips, and Skins Season 3. And it will continue like this. Fuck off.

right now.

2010-04-27T22:55:00.001+07:00

i think of you.
i just can't talk to you right now.

i miss you.
i just can't admit right now.

i need you.
i just can't show you right now.

i love you.
i just can't tell you right now.

KKN~

2010-04-22T19:28:00.005+07:00

I'm stressed. So confused. Recently I signed up to participate KKN or Kuliah Kerja Nyata.It is a program that is always held by Unpad every year. And cater for students of 6th semester. What makes the confusion, because the program was being held in villages in West Java. I was terrified. How is life I will there? How can I shower? How do I wash my own clothes? Okay, maybe I've been too spoiled. But it was not strong live. Especially if it turns out later I was not allowed to go home to Jakarta.

Since earlier, I tried calling my mother. But she's not being answered.Maybe she's still working, or is in prayer, or even fall asleep. I really wanted to tell her I already specify location for me to do the KKN. Yes, I almost forgot to tell you, I'll do it in Ciamis, precisely in Cikoneng. Actually, I've never heard of the village. Although Ciamis, me and my family have visited there quite often. Because the neighbors around me had ever come from there. And because of their relationship with our family close enough, so we often visit Ciamis.

Frankly, I also still do not know, what should I do there. To be sure, for us the same as derived from the faculties of communication, must implement programs related to communication with people in the village. Many stories from our Seniors about the program and their experiences. There are also many stories and experiences that sounded creepy and scary. But, well, like I did not need to discuss it now. Instead of going to make me more afraid.

Fortunately, I got a nice group of friends and is also used to play with me any time. They are Momon, Pampas, and Ara. In fact, one group can consist up to 11 people. But from a faculty, a maximum of 4 persons. So we are one group for communication programs. From what I saw before, there are students from schools of medicine, faculty of economics, and science majors. One of Them is Momon's friend. But so far, there is only one male. And it is Ara. Hahahahaha.

Well anyway, the point is there are people I know. So at least I will not be alone. Moreover there is Momon. Hopefully everything will be fine. Amen. Because recently my friend, Ndut, told me that he'd be alone at the time of the program later. He will do it in Garut. But that makes fun, his village located on the seafront. He would be a beach boy, hahaha. It would be very exciting at all. Yeah, even though he has not got a friend now. But later he would have friends, too. And when relaxed later, he was with his friends will play on the beach, or swim in the sea. Ah, very exciting. Well, you know, I always liked the atmosphere at the beach. Calm, cool, and the smell of the sea is always very tasty. Hahaha. Am I weird? And the sun has always been a wonderful atmosphere. Hey, but why would I be talking about the beach like this? It's been a fortune for him. And I was supposed to accept and be grateful with what I've got. Not just complain. Am I right? Well, it has become my fate. Haha, I seem excessive. To be sure, the program would begin in July to August. I must begin to prepare everything. Especially mentally in order not to whine when in the village later. Well, I have a lot to thank God as well. All that God gave to me would have been the best.

Okay, now I must go out to dinner with Ndut. In fact, we also invited Arcen to join us. But he said he'd already eaten earlier. So maybe I'm just alone with Ndut. I'm really hungry tonight. This is because I have not eaten at all today. Oh, no, not because of diet. But more because I'm so lazy to get out today. I spent my time to watch Skins all day long. Skins really makes me mad passionate. Although I've only watched up to season 2. But Skins are really quite amazing.

I'm with Ndut plans for dinner at Marino in a minute. Yes, eat all kinds of seafood. Ohh, very nice. So, we talk again tomorrow. Wish me luck guys. Yeah, for everything.

Good night. x

UNDERSTAND, LIFE

2010-04-22T10:40:00.001+07:00

when i was 5 years old,
my mom always told me
that happiness was the key to life.

when i went to school,
they asked me
what i wanted to be
when i grew up.

i wrote down,
"HAPPY"

they told me
i didn't understand the assignment
and i told them
they didn't understand life.

SOMEONE

2010-04-21T01:04:00.000+07:00

i want someone i can go to.
someone i can tell my secrets to.
someone who won't judge me for the mistakes i've made,
for the mistakes i will continue to make.
i want someone who understands.
i want someone who hears,
not just listens.
i want someone who says good night to me,
and prays to god they get the chance to say good morning.
i want someone who knows my quirks.
i want someone who wipes my tears away.
i want someone who needs me.

i want someone who loves me.

exhausting

2010-04-20T00:15:00.001+07:00

no, i am not ok. i am exhausted/
life is exhausting. loving people is exhausting.
and thinking you've lost someone you lost?

well, that's the most exhausting thing of all.

DEMON @ APOLO2

2010-04-17T10:31:00.000+07:00

icanteachyouhowtodoit
photo edited by; adindi mr

The best things in life

2010-04-12T18:23:00.001+07:00

accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
waking up and realizing you still have a few years left to sleep
first kisses
making new friends and spending time with the old ones
singing in the bathroom
sweet dreams
hot chocolate
making brownies and cookies
holding hands with someone you care about
watching a sunset
sleeping in
taking lot, hot showers
starbucks
knowing that somebody misses you

♥ adindi mr

how to cure sadness

2010-04-07T00:07:00.000+07:00

1. tell all your problem to fuck off.
2. laugh at all your misfortunes
3. scream/cry/hit things if needed
4. go outside
5. spin around in circles until you puke
6. listen to the elizabethtown soundtrack all day (believe me.......it works)
7. eat fruit
8. look in the mirror and say, "fuck yeah, im awesome"
9. take pictures
10. remember i did all this, so therefore you are not alone
11. lay down outside, close your eyes and breathe.
12. drink coffee (of course...)
13. and at the end of the day i want you to promise me you'll say these 4 words out loud:
"holy shit, im alive" now, scream it.

"HOLY SHIT, I'M ALIVE!!!"

A Letter to my Past.

2010-04-06T00:09:00.001+07:00

Dear Me,

Be more honest with yourself and live every day with gratitude.

- Sincerely,

A wiser, happier you.

KE$HA

2010-04-05T11:28:00.000+07:00

Mercedes-Benz  Fashion Week Fall 2010 - Erin Wasson + RVCA - February 11photos edited ; adindi mr ♥

tru fax

2010-04-03T10:59:00.000+07:00

I really like it when people talk in an other language and they think i cnt understand what they are saying and meanwhile i understand evry single word.

PERFECT ?

2010-03-31T16:28:00.002+07:00

he's not perfect. you aren't either, and the two of you, will never be perfect. but if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to him and give him the most you can. he isn't going to quote poetry, he's not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. don't hurt him, don't change him, and don't expect more than he can give. don't analyze. smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he's not there. love hard when there is love to be had. because perfect guys don't exist, but there's always one guy that is perfect for you.

aww ;')

Dorothea

2010-03-28T23:49:00.001+07:00

My model love, Dorothea in the latest shows.

MOSTLY FOOD

2010-03-25T13:40:00.000+07:00

joannajoanna's

WEIRD DEMON

2010-03-24T22:50:00.001+07:00

icanteachyouhowtodoit
edited by; adindi mr

I feel like;

2010-03-23T16:36:00.000+07:00

…driving down to the beach, a few minutes before midnight. I’ll be on the passenger seat watching you drive, listening to old school R&B that you always put on. The heater’s on, and it’s effing cold outside, but I’m wearing shorts and a t-shirt cos I really forgot about the weather rofl.

Mhm, so yeah, we’re down by the shore, the only lights we can see are the ones from the beach-houses in the back, and the ones across the pier of the boardwalk. And we’re just sitting down together on the sand while I’m leaning on your shoulder with a huge blanket around us, and talking about the randomest shit;

—

I feel like doing that.

Solid Gold Dancers

2010-03-19T02:48:00.002+07:00

Out over the weekend at the Seven Is Ten party at the Tribeca Grand hotel during New York Fashion Week…celebrating the 10 year anniversary of Seven New York…featuring live sets from Little Boots and The Golden Filter…with DJs and hosts including The MisShapes, House of Holland, Preen, Bryanboy, Hanneli, Spencer Product, Susie Bubble, and loads of other kids…check it out.

Oh, please.

2010-03-18T00:20:00.001+07:00

Dear almost ex-friend,

I hope you would stop updating your status, like seriously. You update every thirty minutes with the same… err… meaning (?) It is not very pleasing to the eyes. I am really tempted to delete you from my friends’ list, but I’m afraid that our other acquaintances will deem it to be very offensive. So please.

Okay, I will ignore your status updates from now on.

Hearts,