Mankind needs to learn to be more accepting

Sure, I’m guilty of judging people, as is almost everyone, but I don’t know why people have to be so mean to others. Why would someone ever want to put another person down for what they do in their personal life? Unless it’s directly affecting you, keep your mouth shut. Weather someone’s being judged for what they wear, what they look like, if they have a disorder, whatever it is, it seems like people are always so quick to say nasty things, and right to the persons face! I just don’t get why if people have hurtful things to say they can’t just keep them to themselves or hey, maybe even find something better to do with their time?

If only you knew what goes through my mind everyday….
As I’ve grown, I’ve learned several things.
Life’s full of disappointments & people you trusted will sooner or later let you down.
I’ve learned that often those you love will love someone else & there’s only one way to fall; fast & hard.
I’ve learned that out of thousands of smiles, it takes one to touch your heart.
I’ve found that words can be deceiving, but the truth always lies in a person’s eyes.

I’ve learned that everything can change in the blink of an eye & tears often come without invitation.
I’ve learned crying can make us stronger & there’s never too much love to go around.
I’ve learned that prejudice helps no one & that weapons don’t hurt people, people hurt people.
I’ve learned sticks & stones may leave cuts & bruises but harsh words leave scars.

I’ve found that every time you give someone a piece of your heart, it’s a piece that you’ll never get back.
I’ve learned the past is meant to be put behind us & we can’t dwell on regrets, for what’s done is done.
I’ve learned that trusting yourself is the first step & that forgiving is remembering that helps your own heart more then theirs.
I’ve found that family isn’t always blood & everyone is someone’s hero.

I’ve learned life’s unexpected & that God can do anything.
I’ve learned some things aren’t meant to be understood & that only time heals.
I’ve found that imagination is our greatest gift & that we’re meant to dream for a reason.
I’ve learned it’s never too late to fall in love & that being “beautiful” is all on the inside.

Mistakes are our best teachers & everything happens for a reason.
Only then can you live life to it’s full & true potential.

FEAR

I have this fear that one day you’ll finally get a good look at me and I’m going to disappoint you because you’ll see that I’m not as strong or as good as you think I am. And I’m afraid that it will change the way you think about me.

INCONSIDERATE & SELF-CENTERED

I don’t understand how I can be nothing but nice and a good friend to you, how I can go so long without judging you even though you’re a fucking mess, how I can give you so much advice to try and make things better, and you can turn around and treat me like I’m irrelevant. I don’t look for an eye roll every time I speak about myself in return for helping you through every single one of your problems over the past year. Have some common courtesy, or else stop asking me for help.

Me.

If you're going to fall in love with me, it's only fair that you know what you are falling in love with.

You are falling in love with my insecurities, and my obsession with trying to figure out what everyone thinks of me. You are falling in love with my immaturity, my constant need to feel loved and appreciated, my overactive tear ducts, my internet obsession, my tendency to be too clingy. You fall in love with my troubled past, and my hopes and dreams, and how I'm hopeless romantic at heart. If you fall in love with me, you fall in love with my self-hate and all my imperfections and my perception that nobody could ever love me.

But, you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when I'm with you, the way I will text you in the mornings just telling you I hope you have a great day. You are falling in love with the occasionally humorous and/or thought-provoking things I say, and the way I blush when people ask me about you. But, to me, the most important thing will be that you are falling in love with me, despite my thinking that it is impossible.

So... let's fall in love and get to know each other better, shall we? ♥

Sometimes I feel like all you do is lie to me. You're two completely different people with and without me. You show me one side which I believe is the real you. Then, when you are with others, you show them a completely different side that often contradicts what you tell me. It fucking hurts like hell not knowing which is even the "real" you. If you lied to me about so many little things, who's to say you haven't lied about things that matter before? Why even lie to me? Be honest with me and don't make me feel like I'm your part time friend. Not only does it hurt, its irritating as fuck knowing that I would bend over backwards for you and you don't care nearly as much. I feel like I don't meet your standards. I feel like you really don't like me. I feel so stupid for believing everything you say to me. I feel so pathetic knowing I'm practically clay in your hands. I feel so betrayed by you when you lie to me. I feel so... replaceable. But despite all this I know I'll always hang around because some little part of me tells me you do show your true self to me. You make everything okay again with a simple words. It's that little tiny part of me that allows the way you treat me to be excuseable. Something in me says "This time will be different. Trust me" So I do. And I am left feeling so horrible about myself, doubting myself, and putting myself back together when it's all over. All in preparation for the upcoming cycle.

February 8th, 2013

If I could trade this sleep, I would.

Just to spend all night laying awake next to you.

I would fuel myself with coffee and your kisses,

A daily morning routine.

Come home.


Best regards,
Adindi Ramadhania