Sunday, November 4, 2012

4/11/2012 - breakdown

I'm not hungry
I just had two apples that should be enough
I have this hole in my stomach that needs to be filled with food or completely empty
I wish I was strong
I wish I was dead
I wish I had the guts to end it
I wish I was pretty
I wish I was smart
I wish I was courageous
I wish I was someone else
I'm not hungry
I am a loser
I have no friends
I am invisible
I am imaginary
I am not real this is all fake, just a figment of my imagination
Everyone thinks all I am doing is for attention
They are the enemy, no one is an ally
I am in pain. I express my mental pain through physically harming myself
I deserve nothing
My life will be better when I lose this weight
People will love me if I am thinner
I want to be the thinnest to prove I'm in the most pain
My thighs are disgusting
My stomach is gigantic
My arms are so flabby
I have a quad chin
My calves are the size of actual baby cows
My fingers are so pudgy
My love handles and muffin top hang like 10 spare tyres
Binging proves how fat I really am
I weigh 100 kilos my scale lies to me
I never want to wake up
No one loves me
They will be better off once I'm gone
I will stop wasting peoples time and money
I am so fucking stupid, I always think good things will happen for me
I am going to binge
I am not hungry
I want to purge everything out
I want to tear out my heart
Pain calms me
I need all the food
I want all the food
I don't deserve the food
I am too fat for food
I WILL DIE SOON
Best regards,
Adindi Ramadhania

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